18. AH YES, RETAIL

This new retail job is in a pleasant environment with a few cheerful people and others who seem fairly easy to ignore. What cannot be ignored though, is the constant eight hours of standing, with almost no moving about.
When I worked in other retail establishments, I was usually all over the store, working on displays, fixing things, cleaning, helping customers. In this new job, it is constant standing and it is more painful than any prior job.
Feet can scream. Did you know that? It is not audible to others, but to the owner of the screaming feet, there is little else that can be heard once those feet begin to scream their agony.
In a store that sells, among thousands of other very fascinating items, some wonderful rugs and mats that cushion the feet, one would think that such could be provided for the standing clerk, in the two locations where said employee is required to stand.
Location #1 has a thin rubber mat such as one would use to prevent slipping, and location #2 is nothing but hard, hard flooring.
I am told this will go on indefinitely and perhaps permanently. At a maximum of thirty hours a week with no benefits, the good news is, its only thirty hours. The bad news is it takes the rest of the week to heal from the pain and orthopedic distress from the constant standing, it is only thirty hours, and no benefits, so other work is required in order to survive, but the exhaustion from the standing leaves me so drained it is highly difficult to accomplish anything in the off hours.
Nevertheless, I am grateful (very much so) to have found this little job. It will help me to survive, even though it will not allow me to pay off any debts, at least I should be able to pay the storage, cell phone, and car insurance bills and buy some food, dog food and gas. It is time to change the oil and I guess I have to shop around for it rather than going to my favorite dealership for full service.
And so, I add that to my list of things to search for: solutions, auto service, different job, affordable chiropractic and physical care,, new glasses, a dentist, and again, let me stress: SOLUTIONS. They exist. They are not lost, but perhaps I am.
Blessings and solutions to all
Victoria

19. SEEKING MOTIVATION AND PURPOSE

Friends:
I wrote this posting on October 15th and forgot to hit 'post' so I apologize for the delay.

There is nothing in this world more powerful than our Creator. The universe was set to spin and the clockwork of the galaxies put in place to a symphony more majestic than our mortal senses can comprehend.
What does that have to do with being un- or under-employed?
My friends and I often remind ourselves that 'all is in divine and perfect order.'
We look for the silver linings in our difficulties, trials and tribulations. Sometimes we find them, and sometimes they are yet to be discovered. I awoke this morning with a distinct paraphrase of a  familiar Bible passage that has always offered me some encouragement. See Romans 8: 35-39

What shall separate us from the love and care of our blessed Creator? Neither governments, nor bureaucracies, nor corporations, nor banks,  nor politicians, nor collection agencies, nor stupid rules, nor pain, nor loss, nor sorrow,  nor war, nor grumpiness, nor employers, nor police, nor loss, nor gain,  nor marriage, nor divorce, nor economic systems, nor success, nor failure, nor any other thing shall be able to remove us from God's loving care. We are more than conquerors through the love of God.

It's true. And there is a tremendous difference between POWER and FORCE. Power is self-generating. Force requires input of energy or fuel.
Great Spirit is All-Powerful, and is the source of all power.

Am I totally off track here?
What I'm attempting to do is to keep myself going. The temptation to give up is strong. I could apply for disability and receive a subsistence check each month I suppose. The pain I endure in jobs that require me to stand for a full day's shift makes giving up sound more and more appealing.
Motivation is a continuing problem. Based in acedia and fear, lack of motivation holds me back from stepping out and doing anything different.
Age
Lack of modern technological skills and understanding
Disinterest in technology
These are the primary things that force me to remain in retail, and yet health is one of the main factors why I need to find something else. Very poor wages is the other thing.
What I need to be doing is what I was put here for.
What is that?
Not certain, but I know it probably requires another degree or some certification.
I love writing but have no grasp on how to make money writing these days. When I was a newspaper reporter, perhaps I should have stayed in the field. (Maybe Dad was right...shudder...) Maybe Grandma was right and I should have gotten my teaching certification. Being an ordained minister isn't really enough, even with my own ministry (Universal Brotherhood of All Life Ministry) for I should be connected to a church with some structure to it, such as Unity perhaps; one that actually pays the pastor for services rendered.

So my To-Do list for today looks like this:
1. return 3 food items to grocery store so I can buy some dog food
2. go to bank to see personal banker to see if she can remove overdraft fees
3. take laptop to Office Depot to print a couple of resumes and make a couple of copies of important documents
4. go to storage unit to see if I can find a few things I need which I have not been able to find in there so far
5. shake a couple of dollars out of a piggy bank to get a few ounces of gasoline

Until the next posting,
Be Well,
Victoria