I think the cliche represents something we tend to fear but that really has no power to hurt us.
The toughest part of following through on not affirming the negative is when a collection agent calls. I have not fully figured out how to avoid telling them about no income, no job, no place of my own to live in and all that happy happy joy joy stuff. They want to know when they will get money.
That's what I want to know also! When will I get money?
Believe me when I say I want to pay off all my debts! I do not want to skate out from under them. I believe it is important to take care of these responsibilities. Survival comes first though!
Priorities have to be shelter, food, gasoline, auto insurance, auto maintenance, and cell phone. Without taking care of those basic responsibilities first, the other stuff will remain impossible to manage.
So I am working on other ways to deal with those phone calls.
Here are a couple of techniques I am working on:
Taking charge of the conversation thusly:
"What was that? Who did you say you are with? uh huh. Well, I can empathize with you. I once had a telemarketers' job and I know how very dreadful that can be. We all have to do whatever we can to put food on the table. So that's exactly what I'm trying to do too. As you look for a position so you can get out of that terrible job of yours, I'm looking for a job too. I have vast experience, but well, you know how it goes sometimes. Just looking for the right one to come along can take some time. So I'll call you as soon as I can, once I get a new position and can start paying my bills off. Thanks for calling. Good luck to you and have a nice day." CLICK
I did not let them get a word in edgewise after finding out who they are. I did not affirm anything negative. Most times they are not looking for a job because they are well-paid and actually like what they do. But since I have taken control of the conversation, they really do not have a chance to do their deed. And the call is recorded and I come off sounding as concerned and interested in paying as possible without being cajoled into one of their 'plans to help me' which means making me commit to oh, say $325 a month at 12% instead of $162 per month at 30%. They always have the oddest idea of what help means.
Another way is to avoid them by not admitting to being me. But that is dishonest and I will not do that. I have, but no more.
Once I identify them, I save their number with a special quiet ring tone so I just do not answer. That means I have a lot of voice mail to deal with, but that takes less personal energy than conversing. This does not always work because certain companies use assorted numbers to make those calls.
When income is currently non-existent, there is no way you can commit to any amount per month, and if you do, that will just create some pretty horrific problems with your bank. If you are like me, you will want to maintain a good relationship with your bank and even obtain a personal banker with whom you can consult and share information and obtain needed specials as they come along.
Mine will change the type of accounts I have as needed to maintain a fee-free account structure regardless of my minimum balance, even if it is only ten dollars or so.
Secondarily, you might actually engage a collector in a personal conversation, laying it on the line, and in so doing, find out that they are actually undergoing the same thing, or have just done so. This has happened twice: the result being that the caller and I promised to pray for each other. You really have to have a feel for this, and use your gut instincts to gauge the appropriateness of this with a specific caller.
It would go something like this:
"Yes, I understand I am in arrears. I apologize for that. But let me ask you this: Have you ever been unemployed? Were you ever in a position where you were foreclosed on and became jobless, divorced and ...(fill in the blank)?"
"Mmmm, oh yes, that is dreadful. and you have little kids too? Oh bless you. Well, at least you have a job now. I'm still looking. Trust me though. As soon as I am able, I will begin making payments again because I really look forward to paying this off. Hope things continue to look up for you. Good bye." CLICK
Again you have assumed most of the control, but have engaged the caller in empathy and allowed them the opportunity to be human.
I have fallen to a reactionary level of resentment and fear of bill collectors and it is difficult to overcome that. They are only people, not demons. They have a hideous job to do, whether they like it or not, and it certainly isn't giving them any positive karma!
Even though the energy passing through the phone line is negative-feeling, and it can often create nightmares and changes in blood pressure and feelings of pain or nausea in your mid-section, you can block that.
Make a concerted effort to perform some or all of the following techniques:
Make a regular habit of spiritually cleansing yourself of negativity (see side bar articles)
Engage your spiritual senses with visualization (see side bar)
Bless your phone and mail box and front door (again with the side bars)
Remember that the callers, whatever their purpose, are actually created by Great Spirit too and are, in their true identity, good, honest, loving and perfect individuals, even if they appear to be mean and nasty. Bless them. Even if you don't want to. Bless them anyway.
Give gratitude each day for all the blessings you have ever received. Make lists.
This is a part of the process we need to put into practice in order to crawl out of the cracks we have slipped into.
I remember the story of the evil farmer who decided to get rid of his donkey that he felt did not do enough work. He threw the donkey down a well. Then set out to bury the donkey. He threw down shovels full of dirt to bury the donkey alive in the well. With each bunch of dirt that fell on it , the donkey shook it off and stepped on the dirt. As the dirt accumulated, the donkey rose higher and higher in the well until he was able to step out onto the surface again. He shook himself off one final time, covering the farmer with the dirt, snorted (as only donkeys can do) and walked off down the road to freedom and a new life.
I think the donkey made an ass of the farmer.
